Smile
by NotYourBestFriend
Summary: Smiling was a show that everyone starred in and everyone went to see. I, however, did not see it. I refused." OneShot. Set during New Moon.


Smiling?

It seemed like I couldn't even comprehend what that was anymore.

Smiling wasn't just a muscle movement. It wasn't just curving up your lip into an overdone expression. An overdone expression, that if worn by the right person, can make me go absolutely weak at the knees. A charming, crooked smile that made me the happiest girl in history. But that was just it.

History was all it was.

I found myself hating when people smiled. What did anyone really have to be smiling about? They weren't really happy. Smiling was a show. Smiling was a show that everyone starred in and everyone went to see. I, however, did not see it. I refused. Smiling was an expression you needed when you were happy. And no one was happy. How could they be?

He was gone.

There was nothing to be happy about. I surely wasn't happy. Happiness is something you feel when you're sure. When you're sure of something. You don't smile if you _think _you'll make the football team. You smile when you know you made the team. You don't smile when you _might _get asked to the prom. You smile when you do get asked to the prom. You don't smile when you're _applying _for a job. You smile when you have the job. You don't smile when you _aren't_ in love. You smile when you are in love.

And I was in love.

I forgot what smiling felt like. Did it feel good? Did it hurt? What was it like to not feel forced? I had no idea. It's been way too long. A real smile is something I could only dream of. A real, wide, white smile. A laugh that didn't sound robotic. A laugh that was full of life. A throw back you're head, gut busting laugh. Smiling until you're jaw ached. Laughing until you're stomach clenched. It seemed so foreign. It was painful to watch these horrible lies grace peoples faces

Everyone.

Was.

Lying.

Not only to other, but to themselves. I knew it. Every single one of them.

Except him.

He was the only exception. And I couldn't help but wonder if he realized. He was the only thing that brightened these hollow days. My chest burned with the thought of what could have been, day and night. Sleep wasn't something I looked forward too. It was just another time of day where I was reminded of what wasn't here. He wasn't here. And I could never forget that. It simply couldn't b done.

Ever.

The aching told me I was alive. The pain reminded me I was still just a human. It taunted me with memories of what was and what I missed. I needed that pain. If I didn't have the hole that used to be my heart, I would forget about him. If he wasn't so etched in my brain, I would forget about him. If his scent didn't linger on everything I owned, I would forget about him. If he hadn't been, involved in every aspect of my life, I would forget about him. He thought taking a few measly pictures erased his memory? Absence makes the heart grow fonder. And in my case, absence was making my heart slowly simmer away. Without him, I didn't want to be alive.

But as I glanced at my best friend, my only friend, I wanted to cry. Because every minute I was with him, the burning stopped. The ripping in my chest halted and I was normal for a short time. It was the most amazing feeling in the world, and I hated seeing it end. Feeling it end was even worse. He was such a good person. He didn't even realize how deeply my emotions ran. I was forever connected with the unspeakable and every moment I was with him, the tie was cut a little shorter. The emotion drifted until it was just a puddle of images and thoughts blurred together with voices of my past. I craved this feeling.

I craved him.

The radio played softly in the background, lulling my frantic jumbled thoughts. I watched my friend in his element, feeling so comforted by these simple actions. I concentrated on the noises around me. Clinks, clanks, simmers and a deep soothing voice singing along to the music. I opened my eyes and watched in amazement. I let the words sink in and flow around me.

"_Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken  
Your best friend always sticking up for you  
Even when I know you're wrong?"_

He looked up at me from his position on the floor and did the unspeakable. He grinned. He pulled out a real, wide, white smile all for me. And it nearly brought me to tears. And for just a moment, everything felt alright.

Edward wasn't here.

But Jacob was.

And right now…

…that was good enough for me.

"_Can you imagine no first dance, freeze-dried romance  
Five-hour phone conversation  
The best soy latte that you ever had, and me?"_

No.

No, I couldn't.


End file.
